Fred Abbasi

"To the world you may have just been somebody, but to all of us you were the world."

WOW, crazy how fast 2 years went by..i remember what exactly I was doing 2 years ago this time..how I found out about this tragedy..Nothings been the same since you've been gone, I wish I had the chance to let you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me..I wish i never made fun of the way you dance..now I understand its unique and probably one of the traits I inherited from you... I wish you were here to watch Sharifa graduate, I wish when I look around for you at family gatherings that you walk in the doors with a big smile, I wish I could chant your name when I watch the soccer games, I wish I could see your mom smile like she used to...I could really use a wish right now <3

We miss you :'(
Heres a poem I found
You look so peaceful lying there
With your hands folded upon your chest.
You look like you are sleeping
But you are at eternal rest.
So Long For Now.
Not a hair out of place,
A beautiful smile upon your lips
When someone special passes on
It does not mean they are gone,
Though they are no longer with us
Their memory still lives on.
It hurts so much to lose a friend,uncle -
Especially one that is trustworthy and kind.
FRED ABBASi, you were that special friend,
A rare and special find.
FRED ABBASi, you will always be with me
In spirit and in mind.
You will always have a special place in my heart
Forever until the end of time.
FRED ABBASI, I will not say "Good-bye".
This is not the end.
So I will just say, "So long..."
Until we meet again.

I hope you have a great birthday!!!!!!!!!!! Now, you can celebrate it with everyone!!! I remember this time last year sooo well... Basira, Sokina and I would talk about ur bday in lunch..i remember the exact words we were saying... I miss you so muchh, I know your happy though<3

Happy Birthday uncle Fred!! we miss you !

Fred, i miss you so much and wish that all of this wasn't true. It has been over 10 months since any of us have seen you and even if it seems that we all are doing better, there are days that its so hard to face the truth and sleeping and dreaming that you are hear is the only comfort that we can get. Seeing your name on the stone today broke my heart into a million pieces. I told everyone that it was my biggest fear to go visit you and see your name on that stone. It hit me so hard. We always miss you and please dont stop appearing in our dreams......love you miss you always sir

It has been so hard to go through March without Fred...every single day, I have been remembering things he used to do...Sahar did an amazing job explaining everything he went through to make my birthday absolutely perfect, and he did exactly that...I didn't want to do anything this year bc I just want the memory of last year to be fresh in my head...

I remembered how one day we were out and Samaneh wasn't feeling well so Fred when and got both of us roses....just the smallest things he would do that would mean the world to us

Another day, we were at a restaurant and my sister wanted to know what juices they had...so Fred got up and went to the fridge and came back carrying 6 cans of juice just so she can pick from them

And then there were the times he would never forget about me...whenever we were meeting up, which was almost every day, Fred would always have something for me...usually it was Odwalla juice, sometimes it was chocolates or roses, but he never came empty handed....these were such small gestures that really meant the world


The list goes on and on, but I would rather come back and write about them as I think of them


Forever missing you Fred...I really felt you next to me on my birthday, and I really missed you at midnight...I remember last year he texted me the nicest thing right at midnight...saying how 21 years ago God created his angel and how he can't wait to spend many more birthdays with me...I know he won't be spending them with me physically, but I continue to feel him by my side <3


Love you always and forever, Farid Abbasi...may you rest in peace

It's been almost 10 months since you left us. I sometimes can't even remember the week of June 8... I feel as if it never came along, as if we took a pause in life for that week. I don't want to believe any of this, but I too, am guilty to say that it randomly hits me SO hard. Most of my teachers had Fred, and this one day in class, my english teacher had asked how Fred was doing. I looked at her and I wanted to tell her that he's doing good, I had totally forgotten that he was gone. But instead, I was confused, I didn't know what to say, something didn't feel right, I felt as if he were still alive but I just kept reminding myself what happend in the summer. My teacher later apologized, she felt bad, but I was fine because it showed me that not accepting his death helps you think he's just doing this thing when you don't see him. I LOVE you so much, Fred<3 and I want everyone to know that about a month and a half ago I had a long dream about him, but at one point Fred was sobbing and hugging me at the same time and he said "I want you all to know that I love you more than anything" They were tears of happiness. <3 I love you so much<3

So for my college english class we had to write a memoir, something that was a moment in our life that changed us. I wasn't planning on to write about this at first, but it was the right thing to write about. i hope you like it fred!! <3

“Yes, it’s true. One of the Abbasi’s is in the hospital. I have to go now, it’s really busy.” Click. Wasseem spitted out those horrible words so fast I couldn’t even respond. I was in my car in the driveway, staring at the garage light. I didn’t know what to do; I had lost all bodily functions and couldn’t find any strength. I glanced at the digital clock on the dash, 12:45. My curfew was one, and I knew my mom was already worrying. I sucked in a deep breath and allowed life to my body again. I couldn’t deal with this tonight. I decided that I was going to wait till tomorrow afternoon to call Hanifa and check on if everything was ok.

I jolted out of a restless sleep with sweat running down the sides of my face and neck. It wasn’t a good night’s sleep at all. I went on to help my mom get ready for my graduation party on Saturday. I had to make fondant flowers for the cake and make finger food all morning. My mom noticed that I was extremely quiet.

“Is everything okay?” She quietly muttered the question as I rolled out the orange fondant ball. I didn’t want to tell her anything until I was sure.

“Yes, Mom. I’m done. I’m going to go wash my hands” I nervously put any extra fondant in plastic Ziploc bags and into a container to be put in the fridge. I stumbled up the stairs and sat down on my bed. Grabbing my phone, I took in a deep breath and tried to ease my nervous feelings. I knew something was wrong, I knew it, but I was scared to find out. Rolling the scroll down to Hanifa’s name, I pressed send and hesitantly placed the phone next to my ear.

“Hello?” Hanifa answered with a quivering sobbed up voice.

“Hanifa… what happened? Who is it?” I tried to comfort her which the innocence of my questions, but I knew it wouldn’t help.

“Anh, it is Fred. He is gone… he is dead. He got shot last night. He was only twenty-three!” She sputtered out the details that made me sink to the floor. She burst into a symphony of tears. “Anh, I don’t know what to do. Everyone is crying like there is no tomorrow. He didn’t deserve this.” Salty tears rushed down my face and I could no longer see. There was nothing that could be said or done to heal this family’s wound.

            “Where are you?” I worked up the courage to ask the question. I needed to be where they were. I was part of the family. I went to high school with some of Fred’s nieces and I attended all of their birthday parties and knew many of their families.

            “I’m at Tammi’s house. So is everyone else.”

            “Alright, I’m coming over” I had to suck up my feelings to get through this conversation. I couldn’t sit on the phone crying with her; it would do no good to the situation. I hid my feelings from her for now.

            “Pick up my sisters on the way please.” Click. As soon as the voice on the other faded out, I threw myself onto the floor and my whole world came falling down. I wasn’t part of my body any more. I just felt pain, immense amounts of pain and heartache. My voice was in control of itself. I heard my screams of torture and my sobbing of heartache. My tears come out at their own will, forming a large dark indigo circle on my towel. My hands formed tight clinched fist pounding the carpeted floor. I heard the echo of footsteps rushing up the stairs and the sudden opening of my door.

            “Sweetie what is wrong? What happened?” My mother rushed to my side and struggled to pull my dead weight body onto her lap. She softly brushed my tear soaked hair from my face and hugged me into her chest.

            “My friend died mom, he was shot.” I rambled out the words as I let myself fall apart in her arms.

            “I’m so sorry sweetie.” She did her best to comfort me. Out of all the things she had taught me, she had never taught me how to deal with death. She had hoped that I would never have to deal unnatural deaths in the family or friends. She hoped that the first death I would have to deal with was a natural death of family member, so she would’ve been able to help me cope with it. But she didn’t know Fred and she didn’t know how to help because she has yet to experience a friend’s death.

            I couldn’t stay in her arms all day. Fred was just a friend of mine, but he was an uncle, cousin, brother, boyfriend and best friend to some of my closest friend. I could only imagine what they felt and were going through. I struggled to pick myself up off of my mother and wipe the tears from my eyes. I made myself hold in the sobbing and gained control of my body again. “Mom, can you get one of my black shirts and my black scarf. I’m going to go wash my face and go to Hanifa’s cousin’s house.” Slowly, I stood up on my shaking legs and made my way to the bathroom. Lifting my head up, I took in the image of my face in the mirror. My hair was knotted and sticking out every side of my head. I had dried salty tears on my cheeks along with large puffy medium beige cushions under my eyes. I quickly washed my face and brushed my hair. I hastily got dressed and headed out the house.

            Laila and Mariam sat in the car quietly while I drove to Tammi’s house. Both girls had dark blue circles under their eyes from a restless right. Each eyelid was swollen from the rough wiping away of tears. Mariam stared out the backseat window with a hopeless face. I could see tears make their way down her cheeks like a road map every time I looked in the rear-view mirror. I wouldn’t allow myself to start crying, my tears did clutter my vision every other minute only to be wiped out the next second. Each of us had our black scarves in our lap, ready to wrap around our heads as hijabs. It was a Muslim tradition in the passing away of a loved one; every Muslim woman had to wear a hijab during the suffering, whether she had chosen to do so or not daily. After turning off the car, all of us simultaneously put our scarves on. First, around our heads covering our hair and tucking in over the ears, then around the neck and over the shoulder.

We stepped out the car, not yet quite prepared to see what was going on inside the house. Hanifa was slowly making her way towards me. Her hijab was loosening in the wind and she was wiping dry tears from her cheeks. As she got closer, my pace quickened in to a jog and she joined in on the rhythm of my steps. I embraced her into my arms and held her tight. She muttered incomprehensible words in my shoulder while I felt the tingle of her tears soak my shirt.

“It’s going to be okay Hanifa, insh-Allah. Fred is in a better place. He is watching over you.” I attempted to whisper these words in her ear with confidence, but the strength of my voice was overtaken by the sadness of my heart. It was going to be okay, just not now.

Hanifa escorted me to the house. Once I stepped foot it, it was a world of complete grief and sorrow. Every face I passed was covered with tears and red from anxiety. I saw familiar faces that were just taken over by indescribable emotions. The mothers, aunts, cousins, sisters, and grandmothers were just a sight I never wanted to see again. One of Fred’s sisters had fainted and his mother kept pleading for an answer for why her son had to die. I didn’t know how to deal with this death. And they didn’t either. No one had died in the family that was so young and close to everyone. Everything from that night became blurry. It became a mixture of sobbing, yelling, screaming and comforting. Later that night, I started to realize this had happened and Fred was really gone from our lives.

While driving home, I thought about the man Fred was and what he and this experience had taught me. Fred was one of the greatest. He was a very sincere, polite young man. He treated everyone with the up most respect and made sure everyone always had a good time. There wasn’t a time where I was around Fred and didn’t have a memorable experience. His smile brought a smile to everyone else’s face. His smile was a gift from the sun, something that no one else had. He had a very sentimental personality and found great meaning in every little thing. He lived his life one day and a time and never carried his troubles on his shoulders. Fred taught me to live as thought there was really no tomorrow. I thought about all the people that meant the most to me. What would happen if they were gone? My family and Fred’s family were a lot alike. “I love you” wasn’t something that was said too often, or at all. It was just known that everyone loved each other because we were family, but never said. I realized I had never told my mother, my brother, my aunts and uncles, my little cousins, or my grandparents I loved them. That was going to change tonight.

I stepped into my house with a new feeling towards life. It was a sad day, but it made me realize a lot. I changed into my pajamas and silently walked into my mother’s room. She was getting ready for bed also.

“Is everything okay?” She asked longingly with very loving eyes.

“Everything is fine. I love you, Mom. Goodnight.” I whispered with great ease, tucked her into bed and walked to the door. She was taken back with what I had just expressed.

Before I could shut her door she whispered softly, “I love you, too.”

I was going through my old pictures..and came across a picture of you...my entire body started aching with pain. It still hasn't phased me..I'm not sure when it'll happen but I just feel like you're on a super long vacation. I truly hope that reality never hits me. I live everyday thinking that you're still here. But in the back of my mind i know...and again my entire body aches...

I miss you Fred. Things are so different now that you're gone. And we all know that if you were here...everything would be exactly as they are supposed to be...
'
Love you beyond words, and miss you more than you can fathom.

I promised my self I wouldn't cry this year..but it was tough holding all the pain inside knowing that we wont be seeing you again..I wish you a Happy New Year in paradise..and may 2009 be a better year for all of US! I love you and miss you terribly <3.